Takushoku University were not expected to be one of the stronger teams in the tournament (YCAC beat them 57-0 in our opening match in 2008) so initially this seemed like a poor performance where the only positive was that we won the game. However, the fact that YCAC played very well for the rest of the tournament and Takushoku went on to the finals of the plate (beating Waseda University in the process) indicates that a fairer view of this game is that it was just the YCAC team shaking off some rust against a determined opponent. It was great to see YCAC regular Noah Pflaum dot down in this match and our play-makers Waisale Serevi and Kane Hancy showed right from the start that they had lost none of their skills over the past year. Unfortunately this match proved to be the end of the day for Alfred Pelenise and Dave Kelaher though who each sustained tournament-ending injuries in the first half.

This was our best performance of the day and was a virtual master class on how to play sevens rugby. Kurita are a good side, they are a corporate team playing in the Big East competition and feature ex-All Black Paul Miller among their ranks, but they were powerless against a YCAC side who controlled the ball for virtually the whole match. Noah Pflaum touched down for another try and YCAC tourist Jimmy Maher broke a three year try drought in this match in fine style by scoring a double. Charlie Wylie also played extremely well coming off the bench in the second half, scoring one try and making several big runs.

I have been with the YCAC team for the last four years of this tournament and without a doubt this was the most exciting game I have been involved with. The Ricoh Black Rams are a fully professional side, playing in Japan’s Top League, so we always knew this was going to be a tough game. However, the team played an excellent first half and with tries to Hendrik Meyer and Waisale Serevi took a 14-7 lead into the half-time break. However, Ricoh fought back and were actually ahead 21-14 when the bell rang for full time. With only one play available to score a try and give YCAC a chance to go to extra time, Hendrik Meyer conjured up a storybook ending by breaking a couple of tackles and then feeding the ball to Noah Pflaum to finish off. Waisale Serevi then proceeded to show why he is the most famous sevens player of all time by nervelessly knocking over a conversion from close to the sideline and then kicking a 30-meter drop-goal penalty in the first minute of sudden death injury time to break Ricoh hearts and see the host club through to the cup final for the third year in a row.

Tokai University were losing finalists in the universities championship a couple of months ago and waltzed through their earlier games in this tournament with their scores being 24-7, 28-0 and 31-0. As such, YCAC knew that we had to take them seriously and that the chances of a repeat of the 2008 final (where we beat them 57-14) were slim. So it proved and with injuries ruling out YCAC speedsters Alfred Pelenise and Noah Pflaum the home side had to rely on strength rather than speed to get them through this match. YCAC regular Mike Griffin opened the scoring in the final but Tokai hit back and the scores were tied going into half-time. With both teams scoring one converted try in the second half the scores remained tied when the bell rang for full time. However, thanks to a clever Serevi kick-off YCAC were close to the Tokai line and a Tokai mistake from a line-out saw YCAC gather the ball and eventually put Jimmy Maher over for the tournament winning score.

After 48 years of frustration at the tournament we host, YCAC are currently going through a golden period: 2007 Plate Winners, 2008 Cup Winners, 2009 Cup Winners, 2010 Cup Winners. In the 52 year history of this tournament, only two other sides – Nippon Steel in the mid-60′s and Toshiba in the early-90′s – have managed three-peats so with victory this year YCAC have well and truly left our mark on the tournament. One of the pleasing things about the last two wins is that almost all of the players had a genuine YCAC connection – 11 out of the 14 of this year’s team had played for YCAC prior to this tournament and 9 of those 11 have played regular (i.e. non-7’s) matches for YCAC. As such, the level of support given to the team by club members was excellent. It was great to see Noah Pflaum cap off a fantastic season for YCAC by scoring three tries in the tournament. It was also fantastic to see Jimmy Maher’s efforts recognized by his naming as 2010 Tournament MVP. Jimmy has played in the last five tournaments for YCAC and nobody gives more effort on the field than the big Kiwi. Finally, congratulations must go to Simon Ryan for again gathering together an excellent team. No-one should bet against a YCAC four-peat if Simon decides that is worth going for next year.

Alan Bunting, Siosaia Fifita, Joe Fisher (Coach), Mike Griffin, Kane Hancy, Dave Kelaher, Willie Lapthorn, Semi Leine, Jimmy Maher, Hendrick Meyer, Kyoko Obayashi (Manager), Ben Patu, Alfred Pelenise, Noah Pflaum, Simon Ryan (Guru), Waisale Serevi (Captain), Charlie Wylie

YCAC finished their 2010/11 season in style with a very good win over Imperial College London’s 2nd XV on an overcast July day at the campus of Japan’s most prestigious university (Todai).

The result in this match was a pleasant surprise as all the omens before the game were not good:
- We were playing a university team at a university campus in a ‘special’ game. This is usually a sure-fire sign that we are about to get completely stitched-up (e.g. the ‘Keio All-Stars’ debacle in 2008).
- ICL were looking disappointingly young, fit, plentiful (41 players in the touring party) and without hangovers (our hearts dropped when one of them casually said “oh yes, we made sure we got a good sleep last night”).
- We were struggling for numbers. This was not helped by losing our three loosehead props on the day of the match – starter Luke “The Nuke” Raimo and back-up Eps “Little Cuzzy Bro” Tuibenau reinforced the stereotypes regarding the mental capacities of front rowers with one misreading the email and thinking this was a Sunday fixture and the other ending up at the wrong Todai campus while newcomer Michel “Dutch Courage” Malek picked up an injury after too enthusiastically trying to recreate the heroics of his national team in a friendly futsal game during the week. Luckily we were able to go ahead with the match by borrowing pocket battleship Yushi from Todai who scrummed and lifted like a demon all day. The sad thing is that if he came to YCAC he could play 30 games a year and virtually never practise whereas at Todai he will be practicing 6 days a week and you can bet hardly ever playing (they wouldn’t have risked injury by lending him to us if he was a regular starter).
- We were playing in our cursed ‘Canterbury’ alternative jerseys (red and black hoops). The only other time we have played in these jerseys was our shock loss to the Shonan Playboys a couple of months ago. Of course it must have been the jerseys …

In addition to all of this, two of our backline stars (halfback “Wee” Willie Lapthorn and fullback Tristan “Larry” Fahy) were nursing tremendous hangovers although long experience has taught me that this is not actually a negative and many YCAC players seem to play better in this state. So it proved yet again in this instance with both having fine games – Lappers running the ship expertly from the No. 9 jersey and Fahy producing a strong performance from the back. This match also clearly did no harm to the spirits of the two with captain “Slow” Joe Fisher receiving a message from them at 3:30 am the following morning saying they were still out celebrating!

However, despite all of these ill-omens it was YCAC who started the stronger with No. 8 Alex “Timepiece” Curran dotting down for the first try of the match. Over the last few seasons Curran has developed a (well-deserved) reputation for unreliability but no-one has ever questioned his value once you actually get him onto the field and this game was no exception with the big man having a stormer from the back of the scrum despite this being his first match in six months. Fly-half Noah “The Bottomless Fareweller” Pflaum converted in what was to become a familiar sight in this match – all nine tries scored in the game were turned into 7-pointers. Noah was also next to score for YCAC in what will almost certainly be his last game for YCAC before he heads off to Edinborough University this autumn. Noah has been the club’s best player over the last season so he will obviously be a huge loss. However, when one door closes another opens and this game marked the YCAC debut of Noah’s older brother, Nathan “Big shoes to fill” Pflaum, who will be based in Tokyo full time from this autumn. Nathan has actually just graduated from Victoria University of Wellington so, as Freezer (gone but not forgotten) would say, that makes him an ‘aluminium’ of Slow Joe and JD. Cue secret handshakes and arcane rugby songs …

ICL managed one try in the first half so at the half-time break YCAC held a 14-7 lead. Fahy scored first for YCAC in the second half but ICL promptly replied with a try of their own. Next to score for YCAC was Tim “The Toe” Le Nevez, fitting reward for a fine all-round game. However, at 28-14 with 10 minutes to go it was still very much anyone’s game. It was at this point that something truly bizarre happened.

I have played in one or two games when the referee has not been able to complete the match due to injury, usually a pulled hammy or something similar. But this was definitely the first match I have played in where the referee (Steve “The Vicar” Lewis) could not complete the match because he had been knocked out by a member of his own club who is also an employee of his! Picture, dear reader, if you will the following scene: A midfield ruck, halfback Lapthorn sees space behind and launches a thunderous kick at exactly the same time as Vicar moves into a space about three feet ahead of Lapthorn. What ensued was a scene which boxing aficionados will recognize as vaguely familiar to the final act of the famous Ali-Foreman 1974 ‘Rumble in the Jungle’ – the strangely satisfying ‘thud’ of solid contact followed by the Vicar (Foreman) staggering for several meters with arms windmilling in an ultimately doomed struggle against gravity before finally giving in to the inevitable and hitting the canvas (artificial grass in this case) like a sack of dropped potatoes. Some time later a still groggy Vicar left the field, replaced by one of the touch judges. Willie has not been sighted at work since.

Strangely enough the Vicar’s unfortunate demise seemed to lift the YCAC team and they promptly closed the match out with two tries to speedy flanker Kenji “Red Gloves Watermelon” Yoshioka. ICL did manage one more try but the final scoreline reflects a fairly comfortable victory for YCAC. However, the game was played in excellent spirit throughout so ICL deserve full credit for that.

After the game the team were hosted at a BBQ at the palatial residence of Bruce “The Godfather” Pflaum and we were able to farewell Conor “Tristan’s Disciple” O’Shea who is heading back to the UK this summer to begin officer training at Sandhurst. We wish Conor all the best and we are confident that some of the disciplines we have drilled into young O’Shea over the last six months (particularly the importance of consuming vessels with one’s left hand) will be of use to him at the Royal Military Academy.

After a train ride back to Shibuya with the Todai Cheerleading Squad a number of the team pushed on to Dubliners in Shibuya where El Presidente was left disappointed (once again) by the hunting abilities of the YCAC younger generation. They just don’t make them like they used to.

So passes another season.

Hunter Hemingway

Team Sheet
1. Yushi from Todai (Japan)
2. Conor “Tristan’s Disciple” O’Shea (Ireland)
3. “Slow” Joe Fisher (New Zealand) (c)
4. Sam “Tall Timber” Stephens (New Zealand)
5. Taichi “Posh Spice Junior” Noda (Japan)
6. Terry “Kojak” Buechner (USA)
7. Kenji “Red Gloves Watermelon” Yoshioka (Japan)
8. Alex “Timepiece” Curran (Australia)
9. “Wee” Willie Lapthorn (New Zealand)
10. Noah “The Bottomless Fareweller” Pflaum (Singapore)
11. Nathan “Big shoes to fill” Pflaum (New Zealand)
12. “Big” Ben Patu (Samoa)
13. Tim “The Toe” Le Nevez (Australia)
14. Charlie “Wendy” Caskey (Canada)
15. Tristan “Larry” Fahy (Ireland) (cv)
16. Patrick “Blarney” Meany (Australia)
17. “Caviar” Ken Noguchi (Japan)

What is the perfect gift for Father’s Day? A ‘pass’ to play rugby it seems, at least among the YCAC crowd, with no less than thirteen Dads in our squad of twenty two (and that doesn’t even count No. 8 Steve “Big Cuzzy Bro” Gray whose first child is only days away).

And so it was that on a hot and breezy day at Hodogaya (the club’s home away from home) YCAC, temporarily renamed ‘Dad’s Army’, swept away Taisei to claim the Kanagawa League 1st Division title and send out a message that we have no intention to only be making up the numbers in the regional competition we have qualified for this autumn.

Taisei were arguably the favourites for this match, having won the competition in 2008 and 2009 and been in very good form over the last few weeks, and with a strong wind behind them they did take the early lead. However, first half tries to outside centre Mike “Hurricane” Griffin and wingers Rich “Curly” Watkins and “Wee” Willie Lapthorn plus three conversions and a penalty to fullback Noah “The Bottomless Fareweller” Pflaum saw YCAC take a 24-14 lead into the half-time break and with the benefit of a strong tail wind in the second half the match was always going to be YCAC’s to lose.

Losing, however, was something YCAC had no intention of doing and replacement lock Sias “Big Daddy Potheater” Potgieter and replacement hooker Rafi “Ghengis” Khan signalled this by fighting their way through several defenders to score two early tries in the second half. To be fair to Taisei though, they never gave up and spent most of the rest of the match camped near the YCAC line. However, YCAC were not to be denied and when replacement winger Kats “Marathon Man” Matsuo and fullback Pflaum scored length of the field intercept tries Taisei knew this wasn’t to be their day. The opposition did manage a consolation try a couple of minutes before full time but one last piece of trickery from Watkins ensured that YCAC finished with the final score of the match (and Watkins with a well-deserved double).

After such a great performance there was plenty to celebrate and no celebration was more eagerly looked forward to by the club faithful than prop Erich “Freezer” Friess’s date with a bagel. In one of life’s great ironies the man who invented the award for zero tries in a season has now become its most famous recipient and this year went on to claim the prize for a record sixth time. In honour of this momentous achievement Club President Simon “Reno” Ryan had his wife bake a special commemorative bagel for Erich and the big man went on to demolish it (along with two beers) in front of an audience that was both amused (the players) and confused (the wives and children).

Hunter Hemingway

Team Sheet
1. Erich “Freezer” Friess (USA)
2. Dean “Moe” Stallard (Australia) (cv)
3. Leopold “Oz” Visser (South Africa)
4. Stephen “Hang Time” Marcon (England)
5. Aran “Two Inches” Delaney (USA)
6. David “The Goliath” Dix (Australia)
7. “Slow” Joe Fisher (NZ) (c)
8. Steve “Big Cuzzy Bro” Gray (NZ)
9. Dougal “Big Daddy White Serevi” Robertson (NZ)
10. “Big” Ben Patu (Samoa)
11. “Wee” Willie Lapthorn (NZ)
12. Maui “Customer Service” Magele (Samoa)
13. Mike “Hurricane” Griffin (Australia)
14. Rich “Curly” Watkins (England)
15. Noah “The Bottomless Fareweller” Pflaum (Singapore)
16. Rafi “Ghengis” Khan (USA)
17. Yoshio “Nike” Naiki (Japan)
18. Sias “Big Daddy Potheater” Potgieter (South Africa)
19. Conor “Tristan’s Disciple” O’Shea (Ireland)
20. Kats “Marathon Man” Matsuo (Japan)
21. Heihachiro “Ben Affleck” Yamaguchi (Japan)
22. Charlie “Wendy” Caskey (Canada)

It is universally accepted that preparation is a key ingredient to success.

Question: 36 hours before the biggest match of the season, does a ‘cowboy’ themed party for your entire squad involving an all-you-can-eat and all-you-can-drink deal constitute good preparation?

Apparently it does. Despite the fact that many of the team only made it back to their homes after the sun had come up the next morning this night out helped to pull the boys together and create another universally accepted key to success – team spirit. As an added bonus, it created an entirely new set of nicknames (see below) including the unforgettable sobriquet for our tireless manager – Kyoko “Smirking Beaver” Obayashi!

After a day of recovery on Saturday the team were back to 100% for match day and shocked captain “Slow” Joe Fisher by all arriving at the ground more than one hour before kick-off – probably the first time this has ever happened in the 111 year history of YCAC rugby! However, despite (or perhaps because of) this unusually settled build-up it was Shonan Fuji who started the stronger and we quickly found ourselves 8-nil down after some very good play from the opposition.

Given that we knew Shonan Fuji were a good side (we drew with them the only other time we played them) it would have been easy to get rattled at this point. However, luckily the team buckled down and went back to basics. And they don’t get any more basic than hooker Dean “Jesse James” Stallard (presumably named for his lack of lawfulness rather than fidelity) who scored YCAC’s first try following a good rolling maul. A golden 10 minutes then followed with inside center Tim “Tex” Le Nevez finishing off an excellent passage of play to score in the corner and flanker Aran “Little White Dove” Delaney crashing over from short range.

At the half-time break, captain “Little” Joe Fisher dashed to the changing rooms without speaking to the team to replace knocked out contact lenses for the third game in a row. Ironically enough many of the side have said the last three half-times have been the most inspirational of Fisher’s captaincy and Fisher has happily taken the credit, telling anyone who will listen that it is all planned and that sometimes “less is more”.

Shortly after the half-time, teenage phenom Noah “Tenderfoot” Pflaum gave an excellent demonstration of the unpredictable nature of sport by managing to make a 35 meter drop goal from the sideline and then miss a 20 meter penalty from straight in front. And amazingly enough, Noah’s drop goal proved to be the last score of the match. YCAC hammered away at the Shonan Fuji line for the next 30 minutes but things didn’t start to look dangerous until replacement back Maui “Shotgun” Magele made his way onto the field with the match winding down. Even then, the danger was not rugby related. It was simply that Magele, possibly the most fertile man on the entire planet, might look at one of the females on the sideline and accidentally impregnate her. Because that seems to be all it takes with his wife – every time he gets injured and we don’t see him for a while the lovely Mrs. Magele ends up pregnant again. At this rate Maui is going to have created the best part of a 7′s team before his 30th birthday. Which is lucky for us, because recruiting young talent is likely to be a key theme in the next few seasons – this win ensures YCAC promotion out of the Kanagawa League and into a regional league this autumn bringing together the best teams from several prefectures. This is a level no foreign team has ever played at before so it seems likely to be an interesting experience for all involved!

Hunter Hemingway

Team Sheet

1. Erich “Hoss” Friess (USA)
2. Dean “Jesse James” Stallard (Australia) (cv)
3. Leopold “Rawhide” Visser (South Africa)
4. Stephen “Slim Pickens” Marcon (England)
5. “Cool Hand” Luke Raimo (USA)
6. Aran “Little White Dove” Delaney (USA)
7. “Little” Joe Fisher (New Zealand) (c)
8. David “Deadwood Dick” Dix (Australia)
9. Dougal “Lightnin” Robertson (New Zealand)
10. Ben “Pecos Bill” Patu (Samoa)
11. Tristan “Brokeback” Fahy (Ireland) (cv)
12. Tim “Tex” Le Nevez (Australia)
13. Mike “Bullwhip” Griffin (Australia)
14. Willie “Calamity Jane” Lapthorn (New Zealand)
15. Noah “Tenderfoot” Pflaum (Singapore)
16. Daisuke “Doc” Okada (Japan)
17. Naiki “Mongo” Yoshio (Japan)
18. Sias “Howdy Doody” Potgieter (South Africa)
19. Conor “Padre” O’Shea (Ireland)
20. Kats “He who runs for long distances without falling” Matsuo (Japan)
21. Maui “Shotgun” Magele (Samoa)
22. Heihachiro “Toto” Yamaguchi (Japan)

This week’s match report will take the form of a ‘stream of consciousness’ poem:

This is the big show.

To the victor go the spoils.

Your team are the raging hot favourites.

You have all the form behind you.

In contrast, your opponent’s recent performances have been patchy.

But they will be motivated.

They are not just playing for themselves.

They are playing for their country.

That counts for a lot.

There are rumours the ref will be on their side – a gold watch.

Suddenly, a savage bout of food poisoning – Suzie?

There is no way of postponing the game.

You battle bravely but it isn’t clicking.

You can’t get a call to go your way.

Your opponents tackle like demons.

You only need one score but time is running out.

You can’t get it.

The final whistle goes.

Jubilation for one side, despair for the other.

Some old fella shakes the winning captain’s hand.

Says something like “Thank you for what you have done for this country.”

Slow Joe rocking back and forth in the corner of the Breezeway.

Repeating to himself:

I am the master of my fate,

I am the captain of my soul.

Hunter Hemingway

Team Sheet

1. Erich “Freezer” Friess (USA)
2. Dean “Moe” Stallard (Australia) (cv)
3. Leopold “Oz” Visser (South Africa)
4. Stephen “Hang Time” Marcon (England)
5. Aran “Two Inches” Delaney (USA)
6. Sam “Tall Timber” Stephens (NZ)
7. “Slow” Joe Fisher (NZ) (c)
8. Steve “Big Cuzzy Bro” Gray (NZ)
9. Dougal “Big Daddy White Serevi” Robertson (NZ)
10. “Big” Ben Patu (Samoa)
11. Heihachiro “Ben Affleck” Yamaguchi (Japan)
12. Rich “Curly” Watkins (England)
13. Tristan “Larry” Fahy (Ireland) (cv)
14. Arnaud “Mature Big Daddy” Terrien (France)
15. “Wee” Willie Lapthorn (NZ)
16. Rafi “Ghengis” Khan (USA)
17. Daisuke “Silent Assassin” Okada (Japan)
18. Taichi “Posh Spice Junior” Noda (Japan)
19. Conor “Tristan’s Disciple” O’Shea (Ireland)
20. Charlie “Wendy” Caskey (Canada)

It may have been a bit late coming this year but spring finally arrived in Japan in time for Golden Week. The signs were unmistakable – warmer temperatures, more sunlight hours and the YCAC youth brigade proudly displaying their new girlfriends for all to see. This week it was flanker Taichi “Posh Spice Junior” Noda (24) who brought along his lovely lady to Yamate for the very first time and showed a touching amount of naivety by leaving her with the team for 30 minutes or so while he went off to do something. With the YCAC wolves circling this pastoral scene could easily have turned from A Midsummer Night’s Dream into Othello but luckily for Taichi a white knight rode up in the form of “Caviar” Ken Noguchi who sensed the danger and promptly removed the damsel from distress by gallantly offering to show her around the grounds until her beloved returned. Some would say that this apparent show of concern may simply have been a cover for a more subtle kind of seduction but anyone who has spent more than two seconds with Caviar Ken knows that he wouldn’t recognize a subtle seduction if it came up and punched him in the face and in his last match for YCAC before becoming a father he was definitely the safest pair of hands for Taichi’s girlfriend to be left with.

In other love news – I hope no-one was actually expecting a rugby report – avid readers will be pleased to note that there has been a positive development in the ‘Sam Stephens’ girlfriend’s friend’ story that was reported on last week. After disappointingly leaving empty-handed last week, Mrs. Stephens’ friend fronted up again for this match and was last spotted in the Breezeway late Sunday night happily chatting away to winger Andy “The Topless Greeter” Kennedy (19). With club legend (and Hugh Grant look-alike) Fraser “Buffalo Butt” Jamieson on hand to guide young Kennedy through the situation this writer is hopeful that this is not the last we have heard of this matter …

I suppose I have to deal with the rugby briefly …

The pre-match referee’s meeting was probably the most interesting one I have ever witnessed with the referee (Lee-san) and the YCAC captain (“Slow” Joe Fisher) having the following exchange:
Lee-san: Joe, you are the captain today?
Slow Joe: Yes, I am.
Lee-san: What position are you playing?
Slow Joe: Prop.
Lee-san: No, seriously, what position are you playing?
Slow Joe: (slightly agitated) Prop.
Lee-san: (incredulous) Loose-head?
Slow Joe: No, tight-head.
Lee-san: Ha,ha,ha. / Rokugo Club Players: (quiet chuckles)
Lee-san: OK. But, seriously, there must be no foul play this week. Not like that punch last week.
Slow Joe: But it was our player who got punched. The opposition player got a red card for it …
Rokugo Club Captain: (ignoring Slow Joe and speaking in Japanese to Lee-san) Yes, last time we played YCAC we had a lot of troubles.
[Note: The match report shows that the last time YCAC played Rokugo Club they had three of their players yellow-carded. None of ours were. Slow Joe tells me he wishes he remembered this at the time. This match actually finished with a nearly even penalty count, no hint of foul play from either side and Slow Joe and Lee-san enjoying a pleasant conversation in the Breezeway so the above exchange can simply be written off as a humorous incident. However, it is interesting - and more than a little frustrating - the way we are obviously perceived as bully boys by the Japanese rugby community.]

The match ended up being a torrid affair. Rokugo have definitely improved a lot from the team we beat 57-0 back in November – their tackles were low and ferocious and they were very good at challenging for the ball in the ruck. However, despite the referee’s pre-match incredulity about Slow Joe playing prop, our scrum was extremely dominant and won several tight-heads. We were also able to disrupt the Rokugo Club line-out and with this set-piece dominance it was always going to be our match to lose. After an opening 20 minutes where we threatened to score several times out wide but couldn’t quite manage it the YCAC pack took an ‘up the jersey’ approach and battered away at the Rokugo line until halfback King, Richard “The Third” finally scored the opener with what he described as a “bullocking run from 50 cm”. Taichi Noda then impressed the girlfriend and made sure YCAC went into half-time with a decent lead by scoring the team’s second try from a similar distance. Shortly after the break, inside center Mike “Griffo” Griffin got himself on the scoreboard after a good piece of back play. With a few minutes to go Sam Stephens got us our bonus point (and hopefully impressed his girlfriend as well) by scoring from one of his now typical darts down the blindside. YCAC’s final score of the night saw prop Daisuke “The Silent Assassin” Okada break his bagel by catching the opposition unawares and sneaking through a ruck to dot down under the posts – Erich’s groans of anguish could be heard all the way from Seattle.

In addition to the try-scorers, outside center Tim “The Toe” Lenevez deserves a mention for an excellent debut. A corporate player with the NTT team last season Tim the Toe added a touch of class to our midfield and formed an excellent combination with Griffo. It was also great to see winger Heihachiro “Ben Affleck” Yamaguchi put together several excellent runs and a couple of his trademark big tackles in his first game back after a long injury break. Finally, Kats “Marathon Man” Matsuo deserves a plug for his excellent kicking display and intelligent running of the backline.

Hunter Hemingway

Team Sheet
1. Leopold “Oz” Visser (South Africa)
2. Daisuke “Silent Assassin” Okada (Japan)
3. “Slow” Joe Fisher (NZ) (c)
4. Stephen “Hang Time” Marcon (England)
5. David “The Goliath” Dix (Australia)
6. Sam “Tall Timber” Stephens (NZ)
7. Taichi “Posh Spice Junior” Noda (Japan)
8. Aminasi “Mini” Momo (Fiji)
9. King, Richard “The Third” (England)
10. Kats “Marathon Man” Matsuo (Japan)
11. “Caviar” Ken Noguchi (Japan)
12. Mike “Hurricane” Griffin (Australia)
13. Tim “The Toe” Lenevez (Australia)
14. Heihachiro “Ben Affleck” Yamaguchi (Japan)
15. Fraser “Buffalo Butt” Jamieson (Scotland)
16. Morihito “Wendy” Takayanagi (Japan)
17. Hiroyuki “Silent Assassin Junior” Nozaki (Japan)
18. Andy “The Topless Greeter” Kennedy (Ireland)

“I didn’t think YCAC ever lost.”

CONOR O’SHEA

Wouldn’t that be nice! And, in fact, the YCAC 1sts haven’t lost a match since Tristan’s Disciple No. 3* joined us at the start of 2010. Mercifully defeats have been few and far between for the YCAC 1sts this season and you have to go back to 3 November 2009 for the last one (against Keio University). However, we definitely deserved to lose this game – we scored the first and last try of the match but the middle was all the SCC.

The SCC brought an impressive sized touring party to Japan, about 40 players in total, and were similar to YCAC in the diversity of backgrounds of their members. In amongst the normal host of Kiwis, Aussies and Brits were several Singapore internationals (including one who played for the SCC B team), a Cyprus international and the current Swiss national team captain.

YCAC were hoping that the rigours of touring may soften the SCC somewhat but unfortunately, despite undergoing what was by all accounts a ‘punishing’ social schedule, they turned up ready to play and freshened up by the conditions. (The SCC have unanimously decided that the ideal temperature for rugby is 15 – 20 degrees with no humidity.) Despite this, YCAC did manage the first try of the game after veteran lock David “The Goliath” Dix made an excellent break in his own half and wisely fed the ball to youngster Sam “Tall Timber” Stevens who outsprinted the cover defence to dot down in the corner. This was an especially opportune score for young Stevens as he had brought his new girlfriend along to YCAC for the first time and this effort surely must have impressed her. The only disappointing aspect of the whole affair was that the new Mrs. Stevens had brought along a friend who was very keen to meet ‘a foreign guy’ (any foreign guy?) and she left single-handed. Rhino and Fraser were suitably disgusted.

The SCC then dominated the middle stages of the game, scoring 31 unanswered points and showing the advantages of practising twice a week and playing regularly against opponents of a similar size and mindset. However, YCAC did have the last word in the match when fly-half “Big” Ben Patu powered his way over from close to the line to ensure that the home team finished the match with at least a little respectability. Rhino then made sure that we came away with at least one victory for the day by giving Patu a ‘home team’ pour in the MVP drink-off which enabled the big Samoan to comfortably out-skull SCC MVP (and former YCAC player) Matt “Magpie” Head.

Hunter Hemingway

* Tristan’s Disciple No. 1: Andy “The Topless Greeter” Kennedy (Note: Not to be confused with Adam “The Portly Winger” Kennedy who is actually Tristan’s boss.)

Tristan’s Disciple No. 2: Noah “The Bottomless Fareweller” Pflaum

Team Sheet

1. Erich “The Puppet-Master” Friess (USA)
2. Daisuke “Silent Assassin” Okada (Japan)
3. Leopold “Oz” Visser (South Africa)
4. Stephen “Hang Time” Marcon (England)
5. David “The Goliath” Dix (Australia)
6. Sam “Tall Timber” Stephens (New Zealand)
7. “Slow” Joe Fisher (New Zealand) (c)
8. Steve “Wall Street” Gray (New Zealand)
9. “Wee” Willie Lapthorn (New Zealand)
10. “Big” Ben Patu (Samoa)
11. Kenji “Red Gloves Watermelon” Yoshioka (Japan)
12. Mike “Hurricane” Griffin (Australia)
13. Tristan “Don’t mention the Panty Shield” Fahy (Ireland) (vc)
14. Rich “MIA” Watkins (England)
15. Ben “Mellow Fox” Duncan (England)
16. Rafi “Ghengis” Khan (USA)
17. Taichi “Posh Spice Junior” Noda (Japan)
18. Conor “Tristan’s Disciple No. 2″ O’Shea (Ireland)
19. Arnaud “Mature Big Daddy” Terrien (France)
20. “Kill” Bill Baker (USA)

Just like the YCAC sevens team the ROW were looking to continue their recent domination of there European counter parts. With the ROW pulling off some sly trickery last year they expected a full out assault from the hurting Europeans. In the lead up to the match the white flag from the Europeans seemed to be waving high, with the ROW organizes Dean (more injuries the Johnny W) Stallard and Erich (Oh Jesus I just spewed on myself) Friess very suspicious they weren’t giving anything away. The highlight of this was when Euro Captain Tristan (everything isnt fair) Fahy claimed that Aran (Pee in a bag) Delaney was Irish through a great grandparent.

Unfortunately Tristan lived up to the Irish reputation of being slightly clueless and with a quick research of the Irish Government website the following information came to light –

“Unless at least one parent or grandparent was an Irish citizen at the time of your birth, you cannot claim Irish citizenship on the basis of extended previous ancestry (that is, ancestors other than your parents or grandparents). In addition, you cannot claim Irish citizenship on the basis that relation such as a cousin, aunt or uncle was an Irish citizen if none of your parents or grandparents was an Irish citizen at the time of your birth.”

Funnily enough after sending this email we never heard another word on Aran, the final straw for the Euro side came when the usual and beloved ROW v Euro referee Steve (Fairest referee in town) Lewis was suddenly called away to India for rugby duties. With the game in danger of collapsing due the Euro being able to organise sufficient numbers it was agreed the generous ROW would help them out by lending a few players on the day.

On the day of the match the teams were sorted after a group warm up and the debut referee Tommy (normally cant see much) called the two captains. Before this he had a quick conversation with Dean (more injuries the Johnny W) Stallard and then Tommy yelled for the ROW captain turned and yelled “Scum Captain please” I have no idea where he got this from. The match was much tougher than anticipated led by the fiery Euro stalwart Fraser (Has more holidays than the Queen) Jamieson, the ROW taking a narrow 17-5 lead at Half time. The lead was quickly slashed with Arnaud (Grand Slam) Terrien finishing off a well worked try in the right hand corner – for a slight moment and only slight the Euro’s could smell a major upset brewing.

Unfortunately for them from the try restart the ROW re-gathered and proceeded to blow them off the park, some great tries were scored with Griffo (I didn’t do it) Griffin exacting revenge on a late hit by Fraser (Has more holidays than the Queen) Jamieson by running right at him and with the slightest move to the right out pacing a red face Fraser and putting Dixie under the posts. Surprisingly enough Tommy (cant normally see) did a very good job and the ROW will admit they hope next year Steve (fairest referee in town) Lewis gets called away suddenly again. No team had completed the Panty Shield hatrick until the ROW team of 2010, all the boys gathered for the presentations a few beers had before all heading in to Andy’s on the train.

For the sake of the Euro’s the ROW hope in the next 12 months they can produce some quality players for the YCAC that they can use at next years Panty Shield! Until then they will have to live with the taste of defeat and knowing that next year we will be looking to win for the fourth year in a ROW!!!!

Regards

Dean

Rugby can be quite a dangerous sport. Minor injuries (bumps, bruises, cuts) are par for the course and serious injuries (broken bones, torn muscles) are not uncommon. However, in this match we found a simple solution to minimize injuries: Nobody was allowed to tackle. The IRB has actually been trialling this idea quietly in a few Super 14 games this year (Chiefs 72, Lions 65) and we decided to give it a whirl at YCAC in this match. It ended up being quite an enjoyable game …

YCAC also adopted another tactic for this match which international rugby has introduced to the game in recent seasons: Rotation. There were a total of 16 changes from the Crusaders match the previous weekend and when the squad only has 17 people in it that is really saying something. Indeed, the only player involved in both this match and the Cru fixture was the indispensable captain “Slow” Joe Fisher (or Pro Joe as he has started calling himself after his recent elevation to coach of the 7′s squad). Anyone who has seen Pro Joe on the field knows that he is certainly not indispensable because of his playing abilities, rather it is simply that he is responsible for ordering the drinks after the match and nobody else knows the tab number!

As is often the case with rotation, this match saw a few interesting positional selections and one of YCAC’s more unusual backlines in recent times:
* A halfback and flyhalf combination who had never played in those positions before (“Caviar” Ken Noguchi and Arnaud “Mature Big Daddy” Terrien).
* An inside center who is normally a winger (Andy “Tristan’s Mate” Kennedy) and is soon to join Noah “Just a gigolo” Pflaum as a topless model at Abercrombie & Fitch (that doesn’t affect his rugby ability but couldn’t be left out of the match report).
* A back three who all normally play in the loose forwards (Jack “I’m so flexible I can give myself a …” Hatch, Callum “The Kid” Snowball and Taichi “Posh Spice Junior” Noda).

Indeed, the only player with any experience in his position was outside center Matt “Posh Spice” Dimond, who was a rock in the midfield and made several strong breaks, but he has experience in every position so that is not saying much. However, everything turned out well on the day with Ken and Arnaud instantly displaying a level of non-verbal understanding exhibited by all the great 9-10 partnerships and Arnaud making full use of his French flair to keep the opposition guessing and run in a hat-trick of tries for himself. Could this be the start of a Gregan-Larkham-like on-field relationship?
(Actually, this quick bonding between Ken and Arnaud is not that surprising really if we remember that it was this combination working together that achieved what everyone at YCAC thought was impossible – finding someone who wanted to marry Ken.*)

In front of all this razzle and dazzle from the backline was some excellent work by the forwards. The YCAC scrum was very dominant, as is normally the case when Yoshio “Nike” Naiki is in the side. In addition to his normal powerful performance in the tight, Nike also made several big runs in this match. Not to be outdone by his fellow front-rower, hooker Mike “Masivo” King made one spectacular open-field steal and then promptly subbed himself off so as to quit while he was ahead. However, the star of the forward pack was lock Sam “Tall Timber” Stephens who got through a heap of work in the tight but also managed to get wide enough to score a couple of good tries. He did go on to lose the MVP drink-off but there were extenuating circumstances – his opponent was clearly a drink-off veteran (having been selected by the opposition specially for the task) and engaged in some extreme psychological warfare by stripping off to the waist and requiring the skull to be done with the contestants arms interlinked.

Finally, this game saw a return from injury for flanker Aminiasi “Mini” Momo. It is actually amazing that he got to the game at all after emailing Simon “SS” Litster to find out the details and SS confusing him with a girl he knows called Mini. The big flanker did think it was very kind of SS to offer to buy him “a nice dinner and a bottle of wine” but was slightly confused by the offer to “head back to my place afterwards to get to know each other better”!

Hunter Hemingway

* Caviar Ken’s wife is good friends with Arnaud’s wife and she and Ken met at a party hosted by Arnaud.

Changing the pitch from grass to artificial pitch was supposed to take Mother Nature out of play. However, poets warn of the dangers of a woman scorned and Gaia has certainly wreaked her revenge this season by ensuring weather conditions heavily influenced several of our bigger fixtures. For example:

* Our game against the Nagoya Barbarians was plagued by such a freak storm that we were reduced to offering up a shirtless Vicar holding an aluminum touch flag as a lightening rod sacrifice.

* The Tokyo Gaijin match was so cold that the entire YCAC team were seen sticking their hands down their pants at every break in some kind of pagan fertility ritual.

* Finally, this match was saw a wind so strong that a five point difference at half-time led to the strange sight of the winning team despondent and the trailing team buoyant.

(Interestingly enough, all of these matches were against foreign teams. This makes me doubly suspicious that there was some kind of divine intervention involved. Maybe the Japanese rugby gods have decided this is the season to start punishing the gaijin teams for our sacrilegious ways – no training sessions, pre-match warm-ups of less than one hour, no lengthy post-match debriefs, no tears in either joy or victory, occasional trimming of the hair which grows in our nether regions, etc.)

As alluded to above, after playing the first half with the wind at our backs we took a five point lead but also a general feeling of disappointment into the half-time break. This may have been partly because we were feeling the absence of our talismans (Rhino, Vicar, Buffalo Butt, SS) on the sidelines. However, much of the credit for YCAC’s lackluster first half must go to the Cru. They turned up with a large squad (reinforced by a few Navy players) and for the first time in a couple of years we got the sense that they really believed they could win this match. Luckily YCAC shook off their lethargy during the break and came out firing in the second half with a couple of quick tries to put the result beyond doubt.

In terms of individual performances, the two cuzzy bros (No. 8 Steve Gray and winger Eps Tuibenau) were both in fine form, each bagging a brace of tries. However, it must be recorded that Eps did blot his copybook after the match by losing the MVP drink-off to the Cru prop Pete Bruin and in so doing breaking YCAC’s amazing run of 10 consecutive drink-off victories.

In terms of individual moments, none was bigger than the second-half try scored by veteran lock Stephen “Hang Time” Marcon. Although this try was important in the context of the match its real value was that it removed Marcon from the list of Golden Bagel recipients, which is quickly shrinking to feature only one man, the inventor of the award (oh, the irony), Erich “Freezer” Friess. Freezer’s growing desperation can be seen through his claim that as he personally did not witness Marcon’s try (he was at the bottom of a ruck at the time) he needs Marcon to produce pictorial or videographic evidence of the actual act of scoring before he can be officially removed from the list.

Hunter Hemingway